%- Quotes from HackMan's TOS Guide by Otto E. Heuer <hackman@pnet51.orb.mn.org>; collected by Hans-Wolfgang Loidl <hwloidl@dcs.gla.ac.uk>
"There *are* witches!" 
		-- The Prosecutor, "ALL OUR YESTERDAYS"
%%
"A wide range of alternatives is a mixed blessing" 
		-- Atoz, "ALL OUR YESTERDAYS"
%%
"Unfortunately, he is the doctor, not I" 
		-- Spock to Zarabeth, "ALL OUR YESTERDAYS"
%%
"Mr. Spock has been practicing medicine without a license" 
		-- McCoy, "ALL OUR YESTERDAYS"
%%
"...the worst patient on the Enterprise" 
		-- Spock, about McCoy, "ALL OUR YESTERDAYS"
%%
Kirk: "[But you'll  be trapped as  well, forever, at each others' throat, for-
   ever through time]." 
Lazarus: "Is it such a  large price  to pay for the
   safety of *two* universes?" 
		-- "THE ALTERNATIVE FACTOR"
%%
"We both know I'm a bright young medic with a miraculous touch." 
		-- McCoy to Kirk, "THE ALTERNATIVE FACTOR"
%%
"I'm just a country doctor." 
		-- McCoy, "THE ALTERNATIVE FACTOR"
%%
"I confess I am at somewhat a loss for words." 
		-- Spock, "THE ALTERNATIVE FACTOR"
%%
"Madness has no purpose or reason, but it may have a goal." 
		-- Spock, "THE ALTERNATIVE FACTOR"
%%
"Our ship's instruments are specifically designed to locate and identify 
   any object in the universe." 
		-- Spock, "THE ALTERNATIVE FACTOR"
%%
"Are you a doctor or aren't you?" 
		-- Kirk, "AMOK TIME"
%%
"He's as tight-lipped about it as an Aldebaran Shellmouth." 
		-- McCoy, "AMOK TIME"
%%
"You've been called the best first officer in the fleet." 
		-- Kirk, "AMOK TIME"
%%
"Vulcan biology - meaning the biology of Vulcans?" 
		-- Kirk, "AMOK TIME"
%%
"Humans have no conception." 
		-- Spock, "AMOK TIME"
%%
"You will cease to pry into my  personal  matters,  Doctor,  or  I shall 
   certainly break your neck." 
		-- Spock, "AMOK TIME"
%%
"Any home port this ship makes  will  be  somebody  else's,  not  mine." 
		-- Kirk quotes one of Finagle's laws, "AMOK TIME"
%%
"I think I'm going to get space sick" 
		-- Chekov , "AMOK TIME"
%%
"You never give up hoping, do you?" 
		-- McCoy (to Chapel, after she offers Spock some 
		-- Vulcan Plomik soup), "AND THE CHILDREN SHALL LEAD"
%%
"Hail, hail, fire and snow..." 
		-- The Children, "AMOK TIME"
%%
Kirk hits a peaceful man, then says "I will not hurt you."
		-- "THE APPLE"
%%
"We come in peace" <<WHAM>> 
		-- Kirk, "THE APPLE"
%%
"The center is deep in the *earth* beneath us." 
		-- Spock, "THE APPLE"
%%
"Like  nothing  I've ever seen before."  
		--Scotty  (about the antimatter drain), "THE APPLE"
%%
"I guess you'll have to fire me, sir." 
		-- Scotty, "THE APPLE"
%%
"Mister  Spock,  do  you  know  anyone  on  this ship  who even remotely
   resembles Satan?" 
		-- Kirk, "THE APPLE"
%%
"They've locked on to my tricorder!" 
		-- Spock (how *dare* they!), "ARENA"
%%
"Gravity is down to .8" 
		-- Background voice, "ARENA"
%%
"A sustained warp seven will be dangerous." 
		-- Spock, "ARENA"
%%
"Yes... yeeeesssss...." 
		-- Spock, "ARENA"
%%
"Diamond is the hardest known substance. 
		-- Spock, "ARENA"
%%
"It's impossible." 
		-- Sulu, "ARENA"
%%
"He knows, doctor. He has reasoned it out." 
		-- Spock, "ARENA"
%%
"[You have displayed] the advanced [trait] of mercy." 
		-- Metron, "ARENA"
%%
"And a large star-shaped mole on her..."
		-- Gary Seven's computer, just before Miss Lincoln manages 
		-- to shut it up, "ASSIGNMENT:  EARTH"
%%
"We are of a kind, you and I.  [Under  other circumstances] I could have
   called you friend."  
		-- Romulan Commander, "BALANCE OF TERROR"
%%
"He commands not only a spaceship, Proconsul, but a STARship" 
		-- Captain R.M. "Mericus" Merik, "BREAD AND CIRCUSES"
%%
???: "What do you call those?" 
Spock: "I call them 'ears'." 
		-- "BREAD AND CIRCUSES"
%%
"If you're speaking of worship, we serve many beliefs." 
		-- McCoy, "BREAD AND CIRCUSES"
%%
"I don't  want to injure you." 
		-- Spock (before hitting a man with a shield), "BREAD AND CIRCUSES"
%%
McCoy: "Medical men are *trained* in logic." 
Spock: "Trained? Judging from you, I would have guessed it was trial and error." 
		-- "BREAD AND CIRCUSES"
%%
"6,___,___ died in your first world war, 11,___,___ died in your second
   world war, 37,___,___ died in your third world war." 
		-- Spock (speaking about Earth), "BREAD AND CIRCUSES"
%%
"An excellent example of  Hodgkin's Law of Parallel Planet Development."
		-- Kirk, "BREAD AND CIRCUSES"
%%
"I was told I am to be your slave tonight." 
		-- Drusilla, "BREAD AND CIRCUSES"
%%
"I'm trying to thank you, you pointed-eared hobgoblin." 
		-- McCoy, "BREAD AND CIRCUSES"
%%
"Torture?  I do not understand" 
		-- Drewcilla, "BREAD AND CIRCUSES"
%%
"You're a roman, Kirk, or you should have been." 
		-- Roman Dude, "BREAD AND CIRCUSES"
%%
"You're  centuries  beyound  anything   as  [barbaric]  as  television."
		-- Roman Dude, "BREAD AND CIRCUSES"
%%
"They threw me a few curves." 
		-- Kirk (referring to Drewcilla), "BREAD AND CIRCUSES"
%%
"It's not the sun up in the sky, it's the son of God." 
		-- Uhura, "BREAD AND CIRCUSES"
%%
"Ceasar, and [___]--they had them both."
		--  Kirk, "BREAD AND CIRCUSES"
%%
Kirk: "Spock,  what's the  chance of human forms evolving outside our galaxy?"
Spock: "The chances are very much against it." 
(even though 98% of the life  forms they  meet *inside* the galaxy 
 seem  to be in human form)
		-- "BY ANY OTHER NAME"
%%
"Oh, you're trying to seduce me." 
		-- Bimbo, "BY ANY OTHER NAME"
%%
Andromeda  Dude: "What is it?" 
Scotty: "Uh...It's green." 
		-- "BY ANY OTHER NAME"
%%
Bimbo: "Would you please apologize to me again?" 
		-- "BY ANY OTHER NAME"
%%
"We're passing through an old-style distress signal." 
		-- Extra, "THE CAGE"
%%
"Oh,  I should have smelled trouble when I saw the swords and the armor.
   Instead of  that I let  myself get trapped in that deserted fortress and
   attacked by one of their warriors." 
		-- Chris Pike, "THE CAGE"
%%
"Engage." 
		-- Pike, "THE CAGE"
%%
"Time warp... factor seven." 
		-- Pike, "THE CAGE"
%%
Number One: "Have I  permission to  send out  scouting and  scientific parties now?"
Pike: "Affirmative on the..." 
Vina: "You appear to be healthy and intelligent, Captain; a prime speciman." 
Number One: "I didn't get that last message, Captain." 
		-- "THE CAGE"
%%
"She was born almost as we crashed." 
		-- Scientist, "THE CAGE"
%%
"I have to wear soiething, don't I?" 
		-- Vina, "THE CAGE"
%%
Switch to rockets--we're blasting out."  
		-- Spock (after engines wouldn't pull them out of orbit), THE CAGE"
%%
"Their brains are three times the size of ours." 
(and are therefore much more intelligent) 
		-- Spock, "THE CAGE"
%%
"The Women!" 
		-- Spock, "THE CAGE"
%%
"I'm willing to bet you created an illusion this laser is empty. I think
   it just blasted a hole in that window  and you're keeping us from seeing
   it.  You want me to test my theory out on your head?" 
		-- Pike, "THE CAGE"
%%
"She has  illusion and  you  have reality.   May  you  find  your way as
   pleasant." 
		-- Keeper, "THE CAGE"
%%
"All ship's doctors are dirty old men." 
		-- Pike, "THE CAGE"
%%
"What am I, a doctor or a moon shuttle conductor?" 
		-- McCoy, "THE CORBOMITE MANEUVER"
%%
"If I jumped every time a light came on I'd end up talking to myself."
		-- McCoy (to self), "THE CORBOMITE MANEUVER"
%%
"I'd like to get my hands on the person  who assigned a female yeoman to
   me." 
		-- Kirk (after being nagged), "THE CORBOMITE MANEUVER"
%%
"Radiation level has entered the lethal zone" 
		-- Spock (although no one seems to have died from it.), "THE CORBOMITE MANEUVER"
%%
Kirk: "What is it's mass?" 
Spock: "It goes off the scale" 
		-- "THE CORBOMITE MANEUVER"
%%
"It's over a mile in diameter." 
		-- Sulu, "THE CORBOMITE MANEUVER"
%%
"You have an annoying fascination for timepieces, Mr. Sulu". 
		-- Scotty, "THE CORBOMITE MANEUVER"
%%
Kirk: "Analysis, Mr. Spock?" 
Spock: "Very bad peotry, Captain." 
		-- "CATSPAW"
%%
"You'd be a natural." (for Halloween) 
		-- Kirk (to Spock), "CATSPAW"
%%
"[I'll] bet credits to navy beans we can [punch a hole] in it." 
		-- DeSalle, "CATSPAW"
%%
"You are the creator; you are the Kirk." 
		-- Nomad, "THE CHANGELING"
%%
"Intelligence does not require bulk, Mr. Scott" 
		-- Spock (referencing his weight?), "THE CHANGELING"
%%
Spock: "Congratulations, a dazzling display of logic." 
Kirk: "Didn't think I had it in me, did you?" 
Spock: "No." 
		-- "THE CHANGELING"
%%
"Your logic  [is|was]  impeccable,  Captain.   We are in  grave danger."
		-- Spock, "THE CHANGELING"
%%
"My son, the doctor." 
		-- Kirk (referring to Nomad), "THE CHANGELING"
%%
"Your  illogical  approach  has its  advantages."  
		-- Spock  (apparently winning is illogical), "CHARLIE X"
%%
Guardian: "Since before  your sun  burned I  have awaited a question."  
(the question  was not  asked of it,  and  other  questions  were  asked
 before, but it didn't answer those.)
		-- Guardian, "THE CITY ON THE EDGE OF FOREVER"
%%
Kirk: "My friend here is  obviously Chinese.   I see you've noticed  the ears.
   They're  actually easy  to explain. 
Spock: "Perhaps  the  unfortunate accident I had as a child..."
Kirk: "[Yes,] the unfortunate accident he had as a child...   [You see,] 
	he got his head caught in a mechanical rice [picking machine.]  
	Fortunately, [there was an American] missionary [living] nearby who 
	was [really] a skilled plastic surgeon..." 
		-- "THE CITY ON THE EDGE OF FOREVER"
%%
"'Let me help'.    A hundred years or so from now,  I believe,  a famous
   novelist will write a classic using that theme.    He'll recommend those
   three words even over 'I love you'." 
		-- Kirk, "THE CITY ON THE EDGE OF FOREVER"
%%
"I'm a surgeon, not a psychiatrist."  
		-- McCoy  (but he HAS a degree in psychiatry), 
		-- "THE CITY ON THE EDGE OF FOREVER"
%%
"I am attempting to make a mnemonic memory circuit  [using] stone knives
   and bearskins." 
		-- Spock, "THE CITY ON THE EDGE OF FOREVER"
%%
"Let's get the hell out of here." 
		-- Kirk, "THE CITY ON THE EDGE OF FOREVER"
%%
"He knows, doctor.  He knows." 
		-- Spock, "THE CITY ON THE EDGE OF FOREVER"
%%
"May I point out that a  first officer is more expendable  than either a
   captain or a [first officer[?]]" 
		-- Spock, "THE CLOUD MINDERS"
%%
Spock: "My father's  race was spared the dubious benefits of alcohol."  
McCoy: "Oh.   Now I know  why they were conquered."  
(In  some  other episode it is mentioned that  Vulcan has not been conquered 
 in known history)
		-- "THE CONSCIENCE OF THE KING"
%%
"You may be able to beat your next captain at chess." 
		-- Kirk, "COURT-MARTIAL"
%%
"Well don't just sit there jawing--you and Dr. ___ get cracking." 
		-- McCoy, "DAY OF THE DOVE"
%%
"I'm not a magician, I'm just an old country doctor." 
		-- McCoy, "THE DEADLY YEARS"
%%
"If I live long enough, I'm going to run out of samples." 
		-- Chekov, ""THE DEADLY YEARS""
%%
"Phaser One is far less powerful than Phaser Two" 
		-- Spock, "THE DEVIL IN THE DARK"
%%
"Silicon based life is physiologically impossible" 
		-- McCoy, "THE DEVIL IN THE DARK"
%%
"I'm a doctor, not a brick layer" 
		-- McCoy, "THE DEVIL IN THE DARK"
%%
"Shoot to kill" 
		-- Kirk, "THE DEVIL IN THE DARK"
%%
"I'm beginning to think I can cure a rainy day." 
		-- McCoy, "THE DEVIL IN THE DARK"
%%
"I'm a doctor, not a mechanic." 
		-- McCoy, "THE DOOMSDAY MACHINE"
%%
"They can't take much more of this." 
		-- Spock (about the deflectors), "THE DOOMSDAY MACHINE"
%%
"Gentlemen, I suggest you beam me aboard." 
		-- Kirk, "THE DOOMSDAY MACHINE"
%%
"[Scotty,  you've earned  your pay  for the week]."  
		--Kirk   (and/or in "Balance of Terror"), "THE DOOMSDAY MACHINE"
%%
"If I have to stay here for ten light years..." 
		-- "ELAAN OF TROYIUS"
%%
"Are you out of your Vulcan mind?" 
		-- McCoy, "ELAAN OF TROYIUS"
%%
"Spock,  the women  on your planet  are logical.   It is the only planet
   that can make that claim." 
		-- Kirk, "ELAAN OF TROYIUS"
%%
"I'm a doctor, not a coal miner." 
		-- McCoy, "THE EMPATH"
%%
Gem: "   !"
		-- "THE EMPATH"
%%
Romulan Commander Chick: "Is it  true  or  just  myth  that  Vulcans  are  
	incapable  of  lying?"
Spock: "It is no myth." 
		-- "THE ENTERPRISE INCIDENT"
%%
"I, too am moved emotionally." 
		-- Spock, "THE ENTERPRISE INCIDENT"
%%
Romulan Commander Chick: "Who are you who could do this to me?" 
Spock: "First officer of the Enterprise. What is your present form of execution?"
		-- "THE ENTERPRISE INCIDENT"
%%
"The odds?  It's difficult to be precise.  Approximately  7824._  to  1."
		-- Spock, "ERRAND OF MERCY"
%%
"Fascinating...   pure  energy...  pure  thought."  
		-- Spock  (used in the Minneapolis band Information Society's 
		-- song "Pure Energy"), "ERRAND OF MERCY"
%%
"I'm a soldier--not a diplomat."
		--Kirk, "ERRAND OF MERCY"
%%
"[Worse than being a war governor, to be a governor] of sheep!" 
		-- Kor, "ERRAND OF MERCY"
%%
Klingon 1: "[There will be no war.]" 
Kor: "[A pity.] It would have been glorious."
		-- "ERRAND OF MERCY"
%%
"Even the gods did not spring into being overnight." 
		-- Spock, "ERRAND OF MERCY"
%%
"[Well,  the Federation  has spent a lot of money on our  training;  it's
   time they got a] return [on their] investment." 
		-- Kirk, "ERRAND OF MERCY"
%%
"I'm a doctor, not an escalator." 
		-- Bones, "FRIDAY'S CHILD"
%%
"Oochy woochie goochy coo, Captain?" 
		-- Spock, "FRIDAY'S CHILD"
%%
"I'm *depending* on luck." 
		-- Kirk, "THE GALILEO SEVEN"
%%
Boma: "I say  we hit  them  dead on."  
Spock: "[un?]fortunately,  I  am  in command" 
		-- "THE GALILEO SEVEN"
%%
McCoy: "Spock, remind  me to tell you that I'm sick and tired of your logic"
Spock: "A most illogical attitude" 
		-- "THE GALILEO SEVEN"
%%
"You reasoned that it was time for an emotional outburst." 
		-- Kirk, "THE GALILEO SEVEN"
%%
Kirk: "You're not  going to admit that,  for the first time in your life,  you
   made a completely emotional decision based on desperation?" 
Spock: "No, sir." 
Kirk: "You are a very  stubborn man,  Mr. Spock" 
Spock: "Yes sir" 
		-- "THE GALILEO SEVEN"
%%
"We're getting a mass of readings I've never seen before."
		-- Sulu, "THE GALILEO SEVEN"
%%
McCoy: "Can people  [survive]  that long as  disassembled atoms?"  
Spock: "I don't  [believe I've heard of such] a study being done; it would be a
   fascinating [study, however]." 
		-- "THE GAMESTERS OF TRISKELION"
%%
"I am pursuing  the Captain,  Lt. Uhura,  and  Ensign Chekov,  not  wild
   aquatic fowl." 
		-- Spock, "THE GAMESTERS OF TRISKELION"
%%
"Thank you...'Miss'?" 
		-- Chekov, "THE GAMESTERS OF TRISKELION"
%%
"You are a fine  specimen.  I like you better than the others."  
		-- (Chekov's Drill Thrall), "THE GAMESTERS OF TRISKELION"
%%
"Spock,  you're going to love it here  -  they all talk  just like you."
		-- Mudd, "I MUDD"
%%
"Knowledge should be free to all." 
		-- Mudd, "I MUDD"
%%
"I think of her constantly, and every time  I do I go further out in space." 
		-- Mudd (about his wife Stella), "I MUDD"
%%
Android chick: "Why should  I leave?"  
Kirk: "Because  we don't  like  you, shush, shush, shush." 
		-- "I MUDD"
%%
"A whole plethora of series." 
		-- Spock, "I MUDD"
%%
"I fail to see why I should induce my mother to purchase falsified patents." 
		-- Spock, "I MUDD"
%%
"It's worked so far, but we're not out yet." 
		-- McCoy, "I MUDD"
%%
"Logic is a  [little] tweeting bird  [chirping in a meadow];  logic is a
   wreath of  [pretty] flowers that smell bad.   Are you sure your circuits
   are  registering correctly?   Your ears are  [turning]  green."  
		-- Spock (lying, although he can't lie.), "I MUDD"
%%
"Tell Doctor McCoy he should have wished me luck." 
		-- Spock, "THE IMMUNITY SYNDROME"
%%
McCoy: "Shut up, Spock, we're rescuing you." 
Spock: "Why, thank you, Captain McCoy." 
		-- "THE IMMUNITY SYNDROME"
%%
"I've never encountered readings like this before." 
		-- Spock, "THE IMMUNITY SYNDROME"
%%
"I've never experienced anything like it." 
		-- Scotty, "THE IMMUNITY SYNDROME"
%%
"Offense is a human emotion" 
		-- Sarek., "JOURNEY TO BABEL"
%%
"Threats are illogical and payments are usually expensive" 
		-- Sarek., "JOURNEY TO BABEL"
%%
"Worry is a human emotion" 
		-- Spock., "JOURNEY TO BABEL"
%%
Spock: "Indeed...  I  would  estimate  the  odds..." 
Amanda: "Please don't."
		-- "JOURNEY TO BABEL"
%%
"Shut up!"
		-- McCoy to Spock, "JOURNEY TO BABEL"
%%
"What do you know... I finally got the last word in." 
		-- McCoy, "JOURNEY TO BABEL"
%%
"Tellarites do not argue for reason; they simply argue."
		-- Sarek, "JOURNEY TO BABEL"
%%
"We've learned  to tie  into every  human  organ except one:  the brain"
		-- McCoy, "THE MENAGERIE "
%%
"Captain Pike has illusion, and you have reality.  May you find your way
   as pleasant." 
		-- The Keeper, "THE MENAGERIE "
%%
"Let me feel the earth beneath my feet [blah blah] sun."
(but since they weren't on the Earth, they should have said "ground", etc.)
		-- "METAMORPHOSIS"
%%
"On the ship... I wanted to get you to look at my legs..." 
		-- Janice Rand (to Kirk), "MIRI"
%%
Brat: "Bonk bonk on the head." 
		-- "MIRI"
%%
"I never get involved with older women." 
		-- Kirk, "MIRI"
%%
McCoy: "I'm  a  doctor, not  an  engineer." 
Scotty: "Now you're an engineer."
		-- "MIRROR, MIRROR"
%%
"You want credits, Spock? I'll make you a rich man." 
		-- Mirror-Kirk, "MIRROR"
%%
"I've never  seen perfection,  but no  woman could  come closer  to it."
		-- Kirk, "MIRROR, MIRROR"
%%
"Regrettable that this society has chosen suicide." 
		-- Mirror-Spock, "MIRROR, MIRROR"
%%
"I'll have you all executed!" --???  "I think not." --???
		-- "MIRROR, MIRROR"
%%
"Jim, [let me stay]." 
(the only time he called Kirk "Jim")
		-- Scotty, "MIRROR, MIRROR"
%%
"This is me cargo"
		-- Mudd (referring to the three women), "MUDD'S WOMEN"
%%
Spock: "The fact that my internal organization differs from yours pleases me to
   no end."  
(after McCoy makes some crack  about his  heart being around his left hip)
		-- "MUDD'S WOMEN"
%%
"It's like nothing we've dealt with before." 
		-- Spock, "THE NAKED TIME"
%%
"I  can't  change  the  laws of physics;  I've got to have  30 minutes."
		-- Scotty, "THE NAKED TIME"
%%
"...my beautiful yeoman..." 
		-- Kirk, "THE NAKED TIME"
%%
"Skin temperature is 2170 degrees" 
		-- Spock(?), "THE NAKED TIME"
%%
"Take D'Artagnan to sick bay." 
		-- Spock, "THE NAKED TIME"
%%
McCoy: "242 pulse, blood pressure almost non-existent (that is if you call that
   green stuff in your veins blood)." 
Spock: "The readings are [okay]. As for my anatomy being different from yours 
	- I am delighted." 
		-- "THE NAKED TIME"
%%
Sulu: "I'll protect you, fair maiden." 
Uhura: "Sorry, neither" 
		-- "THE NAKED TIME"
%%
"Don't you think I'd shut if off if I could?!" 
		-- Uhura, "THE NAKED TIME"
%%
"Crazy  way to travel...  spreading a man's  molecules all over the universe." 
		-- McCoy, "OBSESSION"
%%
"This is impossible.  Nothing could do that." 
		-- Redshirt (who gets it), "OBSESSION"
%%
"What happened is medically impossible." 
		-- McCoy, "OBSESSION"
%%
"If we keep this speed, we'll blow up any minute now." 
		-- Scotty, "OBSESSION"
%%
Scotty: "Thank heavens" 
Spock: "Mr Scott, there was no deity involved;  it was my cross-circuiting to B
	that recovered them" 
McCoy: "Well, then thank pitchforks and point[ed|y] ears." 
		-- "OBSESSION"
%%
"[I don't care what it takes or costs, just help him]." 
		-- Kirk, "OPERATION--ANNIHILATE!"
%%
"The  brightness  of  the  Vulcan  sun   [has caused us to grow a second 
   eyelid]" 
		-- Spock (waving his hands frantically in the air),
		-- "OPERATION--ANNIHILATE!"
%%
"[Spock is the] best first officer in the fleet." 
		-- McCoy, "OPERATION--ANNIHILATE!"
%%
"You were so concerned about his Vulcan eyes you forgot about his Vulcan ears" 
		-- Kirk, "OPERATION--ANNIHILATE!"
%%
"Each kiss is as the first." 
		-- Mirimani, "THE PARADISE SYNDROME"
%%
"He must be dead." 
		-- McCoy (about Gill), "PATTERNS OF FORCE"
%%
"You should make a very convincing Nazi." 
		-- Spock to Kirk, "PATTERNS OF FORCE"
%%
"The pain!" 
		-- Kirk, "PATTERNS OF FORCE"
%%
Spock: "[I'm starting to  see  why  humans  enjoy  gambling.]   No  matter  how
   [precisely one calculates the odds...]  
Kirk: "Very good, Spock.  We may  make a human out of you yet."  
Spock: "I [certainly] hope not."
		-- "PATTERNS OF FORCE"
%%
Kirk: "I don't care if you hit the broad side of a barn." 
Spock: "Why should I wish to aim at such a structure?" 
		-- "PATTERNS OF FORCE"
%%
"What in blazes is this?" 
		-- McCoy, "PATTERNS OF FORCE"
%%
"Note the  [___]  eyes and  the malformed ears.   Obviously [an inferior
   race]" 
		-- Mal?k*, "PATTERNS OF FORCE"
%%
"[Note the low forehead]. The dull look of a trapped animal." 
		-- Mal?k*, "PATTERNS OF FORCE"
%%
Spock: "Is he dead, Captain?" 
Kirk: "Dead." 
		-- "PATTERNS OF FORCE"
%%
"Absolute power corrupts absolutely." 
		-- McCoy, "PATTERNS OF FORCE"
%%
"[   , ]Alexander, [___], Caesar, [___] Napoleon [___], Hitler, [___] Li
   Quan." 
		-- Spock, "PATTERNS OF FORCE"
%%
Spock: "Fascinating."  
(after staring at the posterior of a woman in a short skirt walking by)
		-- "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
McCoy: "This is like coming home." 
Kirk: "Home was never like this." 
		-- "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
"Don't give me those baby blue eyes." 
		-- Gangster, "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
"That man's dead back there." 
		-- McCoy, "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
"Published in 1992." 
		-- Kirk, "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
"On Beta Antares Four they play a card game..." 
		-- Kirk, "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
"The name  of the  game is  called  fizbin.   Each player gets six cards
   exceptfor the dealer and the player on the dealer's [right]." 
		-- Kirk, "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
Kirk: "The odds of getting a royal fizbin are astronomical...  Spock, what are
   the odds of  getting a royal fizbin?"  
Spock: "I have  never computed them." 
		-- "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
"Makers of bang-bang... the sweetest little  [heater|cereal]  in the..."
		-- "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
Kirk: "I just  think your  behavior is arrested." 
Krako: "I ain't never been arrested in my whole life." 
		-- "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
"Why would he put a bag on my captain?" 
		-- Spock, "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
"They can't do nothin' til they're through sparklin'" 
		-- Gangster, "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
Spock: "Sir, you are employing a double negative." 
Oxmix: "Eh?" 
		-- "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
Spock: "[...] logic  [...] 
McCoy: "You admit that." 
Spock: "To deny that  would be illogical." 
		-- "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
"Get out of the clothes." 
		-- Kirk, "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
"Captain,  you are an excellent  Starship Captain,  but as a taxi driver
   you leave much to be desired." 
		-- Spock, "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
Kid: "Where'd you get them ears?" 
Spock: "Young man!" 
		-- "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
Kirk: "Out  of  the mouths  of babes..."  
Young Man: "Who you callin'  a babe?"
Kirk: "I'm calling you a babe... but [don't take it personally.]"
		-- "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
"Who's your friend with the ears, Kirk?" 
		-- Krako, "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
Spock: "I believe it would be  wise to do as he says. I believe I [just heard]"
Kirk: "[Just heard the]  sound of a  machine gun  bolt being  pulled back." 
		-- "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
Kirk: "That's  peanuts  to  [an outfit like  the]  Federation.  Right?" 
Spock: "Unquestionably." 
Kirk: "*Right*?" 
Spock: "Right." 
		-- "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
"Miniscule... a very... small... piece [of the action]" 
		-- Spock, "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
Kirk: "Check?" 
Spock: "Right." 
		-- "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
Kirk: "Right?" 
Spock: "Check." 
		-- "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
"It looks like *we* put the bag on you." 
		-- Scott, "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
Scott: "[___]  you'll be wearin' concrete galoshes." 
Krako: "You mean cement overshoes?" 
Scott: "Aye." 
		-- "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
Kirk: "You afraid of cars?" 
Spock: "[No], it's your driving." 
		-- "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
"[   ] neutronium, but [   ]." 
		-- Scott, "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
"I would advise *youse* to keep dialing, Oxmix." 
		-- Spock, "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
"I'm comin' over with a couple of my boys and I'll... mother." 
		-- Boss, "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
"The transtator  is the  basic  [component]  in all  of our  machinery."
		-- Kirk, "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
Boy: "Daddy, daddy,  I  hurt  myself!" 
Guard: "Whatsa matter  kid, you hurt yourself?" 
		-- "A PIECE OF THE ACTION"
%%
Main chick: "I stopped aging at 30... I am 2300 years old" 
		-- "PLATO'S STEPCHILDREN"
%%
"War isn't a good life, but it's [a] life." 
		-- Kirk, "A PRIVATE LITTLE WAR"
%%
McCoy: "Well,  you got  what  you  wanted [, Captain]."  
Kirk: "Not what I wanted... what had to be." 
		-- "A PRIVATE LITTLE WAR"
%%
"Beam us up home." 
		-- Kirk, "A PRIVATE LITTLE WAR"
%%
"Do you think the two of us can handle a drunk Vulcan?" 
		-- McCoy, "REQUIEM FOR METHUSELAH"
%%
"We put on a pretty poor show, didn't we?" 
		-- Kirk (a good quote to take out of context :-), "REQUIEM FOR METHUSELAH"
%%
"Forget..." 
		-- Spock, "REQUIEM FOR METHUSELAH"
%%
"Are you of the body?" 
		-- McCoy, "RETURN OF THE ARCHONS"
%%
"Festival!" 
		-- Crowd, "RETURN OF THE ARCHONS"
%%
"Impossible.  He's under extremely strong mind control." 
		-- Spock, "RETURN OF THE ARCHONS"
%%
"All readings are off the scale, Captain." 
		-- Ann Mulhall, "RETURN TO TOMORROW"
%%
"Scotty,  inform  Starfleet  Command;  disengage  nacelles,  jettison if
   [possible]." 
		-- Kirk, "THE SAVAGE CURTAIN"
%%
"[My  adversary  packs  a pretty  good punch]  for someone  [who doesn't
   exist. But I forget, you don't believe I exist]." 
		-- Lincoln, "THE SAVAGE CURTAIN"
%%
Spock: "A Vulcan would not cry out so."  
(therefore this isn't really Surek  we hear calling  for help , but let's 
 walk  into the trap anyway, ok?)
		-- "THE SAVAGE CURTAIN"
%%
"Stardate 3025-point-ahhhh-3." 
		-- Kirk, "SHORE LEAVE"
%%
"The more  complex the mind, the greater the need for the simplicity of play. 
		-- Kirk, "SHORE LEAVE"
%%
"Irritation?  I am not capable of that emotion"
		-- Spock, "SPACE SEED"
%%
"Superior ability breeds superior ambition" 
		-- Spock, "SPACE SEED"
%%
"I am surprised to see you, Captain, though pleased." 
		-- Spock, "SPACE SEED"
%%
"I'm a doctor." 
		-- McCoy, "SPECTRE OF THE GUN"
%%
"There's nothing I can do, Jim." 
		-- McCoy (when Chekov dies), "SPECTRE OF THE GUN"
%%
Spock: "History  cannot  be  changed." 
(even though they almost change history often)
		-- Spock, "SPECTRE OF THE GUN"
%%
"Energy output increasing beyond measurable levels, Captain." 
		-- Spock, "SPECTRE OF THE GUN"
%%
"Impossible, Dr. McCoy.  My transporter was working perfectly." 
		-- Scotty, "SPECTRE OF THE GUN"
%%
"That's impossible.  Things like this can't happen." 
		-- Scotty, "SPECTRE OF THE GUN"
%%
Spock: "Is this a dead man[, Doctor]?" 
McCoy: "Very dead, Mr. Spock." 
		-- "SPECTRE OF THE GUN"
%%
Kirk: "[Givers of] pain and delight  [she said...]" 
McCoy: "[Well, surely you noticed]  the delightful aspects."  
Kirk: "[I certainly did notice] those delightful aspects." 
		-- "SPOCK'S BRAIN"
%%
"Brain and [more] brain; what is brain?" 
		-- Bimbo, "SPOCK'S BRAIN"
%%
"[Yes, it's so simple] a child could [do it]..." 
		-- McCoy, "SPOCK'S BRAIN"
%%
"He's operating at warp speed." 
		-- Scotty., "SPOCK'S BRAIN"
%%
"While I might trust the doctor to remove  a splinter or lance a boil, I
   cannot trust him to replace a brain." 
		-- Spock, "SPOCK'S BRAIN"
%%
"[The knowledge  to reconnect  a brain]  does  not  [exist  yet  in  the
   galaxy.] 
		-- Spock, "SPOCK'S BRAIN"
%%
"I never should have re-connected his mouth." 
		-- McCoy, "SPOCK'S BRAIN"
%%
"'Fascinating'  is a  word I use for the unexpected, 'interesting' shall
   suffice here." 
		-- Spock, "THE SQUIRE OF GOTHOS"
%%
"I object to you.  I object to intellect without [...], to power without
   constructive purpose." 
		-- Spock, "THE SQUIRE OF GOTHOS"
%%
"[Spock,]  you have  one saving  grace after all:  you're ill mannered."
		-- Trelane, "THE SQUIRE OF GOTHOS"
%%
"You cheated!" 
		-- Trelane, "THE SQUIRE OF GOTHOS"
%%
"I woulda won!  I woulda!" 
		-- Trelane, "THE SQUIRE OF GOTHOS"
%%
"Sensor readings just shot off the scale." 
		-- Ensign DePaul, "A TASTE OF ARMAGEDDON"
%%
"There is a multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder." 
		-- Spock, "A TASTE OF ARMAGEDDON"
%%
"I have come for you." 
		-- Bimbo, "THAT WHICH SURVIVES"
%%
"I'll sit on the engines..." 
		-- Scotty, "THAT WHICH SURVIVES"
%%
"My name is 'NotImportant', yours is 'Watkins'." 
		-- Bimbo, "THAT WHICH SURVIVES"
%%
"This thing is going to blow up,  and there's  nothing  in this universe
   that can stop it!"
		-- "THAT WHICH SURVIVES"
%%
Blonde: "You never  told me if you  had another  name." 
Spock: "You couldn't pronounce it." 
		-- "THIS SIDE OF PARADISE"
%%
"That cloud looks like a dragon on Berengaria Seven." 
		-- Spock, "THIS SIDE OF PARADISE"
%%
Kirk: "Your father was a  computer  and  your  mother  was  an  encyclopedia."
Spock: "My father is an  mbassador and my  mother  is a  teacher  from Earth." 
		-- "THIS SIDE OF PARADISE"
%%
Spock: "Striking  a fellow officer  is a  court-martial offense." 
Kirk: "If we're both in the brig, who'll build the subsonic transmitter?" 
		-- "THIS SIDE OF PARADISE"
%%
Kirk: "Even with  automatic pilot, I can not pilot it alone."  
(What a stupid concept!)
		-- "THIS SIDE OF PARADISE"
%%
"Poetry, Captain. Non-regulation." 
		-- Spock, "THIS SIDE OF PARADISE"
%%
"For the first time in my life - I was happy." 
		-- Spock, "THIS SIDE OF PARADISE"
%%
"Space itself is breaking up." 
		-- "THE THOLIAN WEB"
%%
Spock: "I made an error in my computations." 
McCoy: "This may be an historic occasion." 
		-- "TOMORROW IS YESTERDAY"
%%
"Warp eight... off the scale." 
		-- Sulu, "TOMORROW IS YESTERDAY"
%%
"Gravity [down to] .8." 
		-- Voice in background, "TOMORROW IS YESTERDAY"
%%
"Storage compartments? Storage compartments?" 
		-- Kirk, "THE TROUBLE WITH TRIBBLES"
%%
"Wheat? So what?" 
		-- Kirk, "THE TROUBLE WITH TRIBBLES"
%%
"Kirk  may  be  a  swaggering,  overbearing,  tin-plated  dictator  with
   delusions of godhood, but he's not soft." 
		-- Klingon first officer, "THE TROUBLE WITH TRIBBLES"
%%
Scotty: "He called you a tin-plated, overbearing dictator with delusions of 
	Godhood!" 
Kirk: "And *that's* when you  hit him!" 
Scotty: "Ah, no, sir. We're big enough to take a FEW insults!" 
		-- "THE TROUBLE WITH TRIBBLES"
%%
Kirk: "Scotty, you're confined to quarters." 
Scotty: "Yes, sir.  *Thank you*, sir!  That'll  give me a chance to catch up 
	on me technical journals!"
		-- "THE TROUBLE WITH TRIBBLES"
%%
"... where [they'll] be no tribble at all." 
		-- Scotty, "THE TROUBLE WITH TRIBBLES"
%%
"Extremely [little] joke, Ensign." 
		-- Spock, "THE TROUBLE WITH TRIBBLES"
%%
"On the contrary, sir...it is *you* I take lightly." 
		-- Kirk, "THE TROUBLE WITH TRIBBLES"
%%
"[Scotch] was invented by a little old lady from Leningrad." 
		-- Chekov, "THE TROUBLE WITH TRIBBLES"
%%
"Nothing I've ever encountered." 
		-- Dr. Coleman  (about radiation poisoning), "TURNABOUT INTRUDER"
%%
"To my knowledge, such total transfer has never been completed  success-
   fully in this galaxy." 
		-- Spock, "TURNABOUT INTRUDER"
%%
Spock: "[Unfortunately] there  is  nothing  currently  to  replace  the  ship's
   surgeon." 
McCoy: "[If  they  could,  they]  wouldn't  have to.   I'd resign." 
		-- "THE ULTIMATE COMPUTER"
%%
"There are certain things men must do to [remain] men." 
		-- Kirk, "THE ULTIMATE COMPUTER"
%%
"Only a fool would stand in the way of progress." 
		-- Kirk, "THE ULTIMATE COMPUTER"
%%
"You  have my  psychological profile.  Am I afraid of [losing control]?"
		-- Kirk, "THE ULTIMATE COMPUTER"
%%
"Why don't you ask James T. Kirk. He's a pretty honest guy." 
		-- McCoy, "THE ULTIMATE COMPUTER"
%%
"What are you doing here Bones?" 
		-- Kirk, "THE ULTIMATE COMPUTER"
%%
"Computers make [efficient and practical] servants, but I do not wish to
   serve under them. 
		-- Spock, "THE ULTIMATE COMPUTER"
%%
"This isn't chicken soup.  I make a Finibal's  Folly  [that's known from
   here to ___]" 
		-- McCoy, "THE ULTIMATE COMPUTER"
%%
"Do you know the one: 'All I ask is a tall ship...'" 
		-- Kirk, "THE ULTIMATE COMPUTER"
%%
Spock: "[It's]  not acting logically."  
McCoy: "Do me a favor  [Spock, and] don't say it's  fascinating." 
Spock: "No, but  it  is  interesting."
		-- "THE ULTIMATE COMPUTER"
%%
"I've been updating that course for hours." 
		-- Sulu, "THE ULTIMATE COMPUTER"
%%
"Pursuing a wild goose." 
		-- Spock, "THE ULTIMATE COMPUTER"
%%
"You are great; I am great." 
		-- Daystrom to M5, "THE ULTIMATE COMPUTER"
%%
"Murder is contrary to the laws of man and God." 
		-- M5, "THE ULTIMATE COMPUTER"
%%
"Daystrom felt that such an act was an  offense  against the laws of God
   and man, and the computer that  carried his  engrams also  believed it."
		-- Kirk, "THE ULTIMATE COMPUTER"
%%
McCoy: "Compassion?  That's the one thing no machine ever had.   Maybe it's the
   one thing  that keeps  men ahead of them.  Care to debate that,  Spock?"
Spock: "No,  doctor,  I  simply  maintain  that  computers  are more
   efficient than human beings, not better." 
		-- "THE ULTIMATE COMPUTER"
%%
"It would  be  most interesting  to  impress  your  memory  engrams on a
   computer, doctor.    The  resulting torrential flood of illogic would be
   most entertaining." 
		-- Spock, "THE ULTIMATE COMPUTER"
%%
"Power beyond critical.  Explosion is imminent." 
		-- Spock, "THE WAY TO EDEN"
%%
"Mind  your own business, Spock.   I'm sick and tired of your half-breed
   interference." 
		-- Kirk, "WHAT ARE LITTLE GIRLS MADE OF?"
%%
"Irritating?  Oh, yes, one of your Earth-emotions." 
		-- Spock (smiling way too much), "WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE"
%%
"Gravitation on automatic." 
		-- Kirk, "WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE"
%%
"Gravity is down to .8" 
		-- Extra in background, "WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE"
%%
"Yeah, she's a nova--that one." 
		-- Gary Mitchell, "WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE"
%%
Gary: "If I  hadn't aimed  that little blonde lab technician at you..." 
Kirk: "I almost married her!" 
		-- "WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE"
%%
Spock: "I felt for  him, too." 
Kirk: "I believe  there's some  hope for you after all, Mr. Spock" 
		-- "WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE"
%%
"Morals are for men--not gods."
		-- Gary Mitchell, "WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE"
%%
"On the other hand, she's a woman. Someday she'll find the right man and
   [off she'll go, out of the service|leave Star Fleet]." 
		-- McCoy, "WHO MOURNS FOR ADONAIS"
%%
"Mr. Sulu, our forward tractor beams, adjust to repel." 
		-- Kirk, "WHO MOURNS FOR ADONAIS"
%%
"Insults are effective only where emotions are present." 
		-- Spock, "WHO MOURNS FOR ADONAIS"
%%
Apollo: "[I  am  Apollo.]" 
Chekov: "And I am  the  Czar  of all  of Russia."
Kirk: "Mr. Chekov..."
Chekov: Sorry, I haven't met a god before."
		-- "WHO MOURNS FOR ADONAIS"
%%
"You seem wise, for a woman." 
		-- Apollo, "WHO MOURNS FOR ADONAIS"
%%
"Scotty doesn't believe in gods." 
		-- McCoy, "WHO MOURNS FOR ADONAIS"
%%
Chekov: "The Captain requires complete information." 
McCoy: "Spock's contaminating this boy, [Jim]." 
		-- "WHO MOURNS FOR ADONAIS"
%%
Chekov: "He  disappeared again, just like the cat in that Russian story."
Kirk: "Russian?  Don't you mean American?  The Cheshire Cat." 
Chekov: "Cheshire? I don't think so. Minsk, perhaps." 
		-- "WHO MOURNS FOR ADONAIS"
%%
"Chekov, you've earned your pay for the week." 
		-- Kirk, "WHO MOURNS FOR ADONAIS"
%%
Chekov: "Perhaps I can assist you [with the babe]" 
Kirk: "How old are you?"
Chekov: "22, sir." 
Kirk: "Then *I* better handle it." 
		-- "WHO MOURNS FOR ADONAIS"
%%
"Man or woman, it makes no difference, we're both human." --
		-- Kirk to babe, "WHO MOURNS FOR ADONAIS"
%%
"With  an  armful of  this stuff  I wouldn 't be afraid of a supernova."
		-- Sulu, "WOLF IN THE FOLD"
%%
"Pi is a transcendental figure without resolution." 
		-- Spock, "WOLF IN THE FOLD"
%%
"[you'll all die horribly!  die, die,]  everybody die,  ah ha ha ha ha!"
		-- Jack T. Ripper, "WOLF IN THE FOLD"
%%