%- Garak quotes collected by Aldo Wagtmans Bashir: You're very kind, mr. Garak. Garak: Oh, it's just Garak. Plain, simple... Both: ...Garak. -- "Past Prologue" %% Garak: Now, good day to you, doctor. I'm so glad to have made such an interesting new friend today. -- "Past Prologue" %% Bashir: I really must be getting along now. Garak: Ehm, doctor, I think it's time for you to take advantage of my shop. If you'll be there at exactly 20.55 hours tonight I promise to show you a suit that will make you into a new man. Bashir: A suit! We're talking about terrorists and you want me to buy a new suit? Garak: Doctor, am I making myself clear? I want you to buy a new suit tonight at 20.55 exactly. Bashir: Yes, I see. Well, if you'll excuse me. -- "Past Prologue" %% Garak: Really doctor, must we always play this game? I'm no more a spy than you are a... Bashir: ...a doctor. Garak: I'm afraid you really do allow your imagination to run away with you. -- "Cardassians" %% Bashir: And a bite in the hand is certainly worth saving a boy's life, wouldn't you say? Garak: I suppose it depends on whose hand. Just joking, doctor. -- "Cardassians" %% Garak: Certainly computer entries were made on a regular basis. Bajoran woman: I wouldn't know, I wasn't a volunteer then. I was in the underground. Garak: Really! Perhaps we have met! -- "Cardassians" %% Garak: I believe in coincidences. Coincidences happen every day. But I don't trust coincidences. -- "Cardassians" %% Bashir: Assuming you're not a spy... Garak: Assuming... Bashir: ...then maybe you're an outcast. Garak: Or maybe I'm an outcast spy. Bashir: How could you be both? Garak: I never said I was either. -- "Profit and Loss" %% Garak: It would be a tragedy if she got in the way when her friends go out of fashion. Quark: If anyone tries to harm her they're gonna have to deal with me. Garak: And what are you going to do? Short-change them at the Dabo-table? -- "Profit and Loss" %% Garak: Well, don't just stand there! Your ship is waiting. Quark: I'm going to see to it that every Ferengi on the station shops at your store. Garak: Ah! That alone makes it all worth while. -- "Profit and Loss" %% Bashir: But none of his characters ever really come alive and there's more to life than duty to the state. Garak: A Federation viewpoint if ever I heard one. -- "The Wire" %% Garak: By the way, I just had the most interesting conversation with Constable Odo. It seems he's under the impression that I was a member of the Obsidian Order. Bashir: What did you tell him? Garak: That he was mistaken, of course! Bashir: And he believed you? Garak: Well, he said something about keeping a closer eye on me in the future, I told him: "Be my guest, I have nothing to hide." -- "The Wire" %% Bashir: What I want to know is, out of all the stories you told me which ones were true and which ones weren't? Garak: My dear doctor...they're all true. Bashir: Even the lies? Garak: Especially the lies. -- "The Wire" %% Garak2: Lovely. I do admire a well-tailored gown. -- "Crossover" %% Garak2: Tomorrow morning she will be gone. Kira: Gone? Garak2: She will be gone! Please don't make me use some foolish euphimism! -- "Crossover" %% Bashir: Business keeping you busy? Garak: The tailoring business...or the spy business? (chuckles) Joking, off course. Bashir: Off course (!) -- "The Search, Part 2" %% Bashir: Well, I guess this means the end of our Starfleet careers. Garak: Oh, I wouldn't worry about that, docter. Dax: That's easy for you to say. Garak: Oh, you misunderstand me, lieutenant. All I meant was it's a little foolish to worry about your careers at a time like this, when there's a good chance we're all about to be killed. -- "The Search, Part 2" %% Jem'Hadar Put down your weapons! Garak I have them! I have them. By all means , commander, do as they say. Bashir Garak... Garak You heard me, docter. I'm glad to see the plan is going as scheduled. Jem'Hadar What plan is that? Garak You mean no-one told you? You see, I pretend to be their friend and then I shoot you. (Garak zaps two Jem'Hadar) Sisko Well done, Garak. Garak Well, it's just something I read once in a book. -- "The Search, Part 2" %% (Garak gets shot by a Jem'Hadar) Bashir Garak! Garak... Garak Docter, I'm afraid I won't be able to have lunch with you today. -- "The Search, Part 2" %% Garak: Why should I care what the Bajoran government thinks of me? Sisko: I don't know. But it seems to me if someone were in trouble with the Cardassian Central Command a Bajoran space station under Federation control might just be the savest place in the galaxy. Garak: Commander, this is extortion. Sisko: Hmmm.....Yes, it is. -- "Second Skin" %% Garak: I'll go along on your fool's errant, but I want one thing to be perfectly clear. I have no intention of sacrificing my life to save yours. If it looks like we're in danger of being captured, if there's any sign of trouble at all, you're on your own. Sisko: Mr. Garak, I believe that's the first completely honest thing you've ever said to me. Garak: How perceptive of you, commander. -- "Second Skin" %% Garak: Gul Benil... Benil: You are not Kobheerians! Garak: Very observant of you! Now turn your ships around. Benil: Excuse me ?! Garak: This is an Alpha Red priority mission, clearance verification 9218 Black. By authority of the Central Command, you are ordered to turn your ships around, erase all records of this encounter from your logs and talk of it to no-one. Is that clear? Computer: (bleeping) Clearance code verified. Benil: My apologies. I had no idea. Garak: You were doing your duty. End transmission. (sighs) Sisko: Mr. Garak, I'm impressed. Garak: It was just something I overheard while I was hemming someone's trousers. -- "Second Skin" %% Garak: Ironic, isn't it? The only place in the galaxy that still recognises my access code is a Bajoran space station. -- "Civil Defense" %% Garak Tell me, docter, what is it exactly about this situation that's making you smile? Bashir You Garak. Just wondering how many other tailors can rewrite Cardassian security protocol. Garak I wouldn't even venture a guess. Which reminds me, those pants you wanted altered are ready to be picked up. -- "Civil Defense" %% Garak: It's not going to work, you know? Dukat: What are you babbling on about now? Garak: I'm talking about major Kira. Kira: What about her? Garak: She's much to busy trying to save this station to be impressed with your incessant posturing. Dukat: Garak! Garak: And even if she weren't, she has much better taste than to be attracted to you. You, a married man. Dukat: I should have executed you years ago. Garak: Oh, you tried! Remember? -- "Civil Defense" %% Quark: You know...we just introduced a new lunch menu at the bar... Bashir: Goodbye, Quark! Garak: Don't take it personally. He's turning thirty. -- "Distant voices" %% Bashir: How did I get here? Garak: Oh, don't ask me. After all, we're inside your mind. It's a pity about lieutenant Dax. Bashir: How do you know about her? Garak: I'm a part of you, remember? I know what you know. Well, maybe a little more. Bashir: Still the man of mystery. Garak: Oh, you wouldn't have me any other way. -- "Distant voices" %% Garak: I really must congratulate you, doctor, you have a fascinating mind! -- "Distant voices" %% Garak: You know, doctor, what I find most fascinating about this entire incident is how your unconscious mind chose people you know to represent the various parts of your personality. Bashir: Well, it did make things interesting. Garak: And what I find interesting is how your mind ended up casting me in the role of the villain. Bashir: Ohhh, I wouldn't read too much into that, Garak. Garak:How can I not? To think, after all this time, all our lunches together you still don't trust me. There's hope for you yet, doctor. -- "Distant voices" %% Jennifer2: Please leave us. Garak2: What, and miss this touching reunion? Sisko: You heard her! Garak2: If you need anyone to beat him into submission for you, please don't hesitate to call me. -- "Through the Looking Glass" %% Garak: I'm sorry, doctor, I just don't see the value of this man's work. Bashir: But Garak, Shakespeare is one of the giants of human literature. Garak: I knew Brutus was going to kill Ceasar in the first act, but Ceasar didn't figure it out until the knife was in his back. Bashir: But that's what makes it a tragedy. Ceasar couldn't conseive that his best friend would plot to kill him. Garak: "Tragedy" is not the word I'd use, "farce" would be more appropriate. -- "Improbable Cause" %% Sisko: Could this attempt on your life have anything to do with the reason you were exiled from Cardassia? Garak: I seriously doubt the finance ministry would try to have me killed for failure to pay my taxes. Odo: You expect us to believe that's the reason you were exiled? Garak: You think I would lie about a thing like that? It's not something I'm proud of. -- "Improbable Cause" %% Garak: Why is it no-one ever believes me even when I'm telling the truth? Bashir: Have you ever heard the story about the boy who cried wolf? Garak: No. Bashir: It's a children's story about a young shepard boy who gets lonely while attending his flock, so he cries out to the villagers that a wolf is attacking the sheep. The people come running, but of course there's no wolf. He claims that it's run away and the people praise him for his vigilance. Garak: Clever lad! Charming story. Bashir: I'm not finished. The next day the boy does it again and the next two and on the fourth day a wolf really comes. The boy cries out to the top of his lungs, but the villagers ignore him and the boy and his flock are gobbled up. Garak: That's a little graphic for children, wouldn't you say? Bashir: But the point is; if you lie all the time nobody's going to believe you, even when you're telling the truth. Garak: Are you sure that's the point, doctor? Bashir: Of course. What else could it be? Garak: That you should never tell the same lie twice. -- "Improbable Cause" %% Garak: Well, the truth is usually just an excuse for a lack of imagination. -- "Improbable Cause" %% Garak: They're all dead?! Odo: I take it you're not going to mourn their passing? Garak: Quite the contrary. In fact, if these were different circumstances I'd be celebrating tonight! -- "Improbable Cause" %% Bashir: Is there anything you need me to do when you're gone. Garak: Like what? Bashir: I don't know. Any unfinished business? Garak: Actually, doctor, there is something. Bashir: Well, what? Garak: If you go into my quarters and examine the bulkhead next to the replicator you'll notice there's a false panel. Behind that panel is a compartment containing an isolinear rod. If I'm not back within 78 hours I want you to take that rod and eat it. Bashir: Eat it? Garak: Hmm. Bashir: You're joking. Garak: Yes, doctor. I am. Bashir: Very funny(!) Garak: Well, I thought so. -- "Improbable Cause" %% Tain: (laughs) You blew up your own shop?! You, my friend, are a true original. If you hadn't betrayed me things would have been very different. Garak: I never betrayed you! At least...not in my heart. -- "Improbable Cause" %% Garak: You know what the sad part is, Odo? I'm a very good tailor. -- "The Die is Cast" %% Odo: Garak...I was thinking that you and I should have breakfast together some time. Garak: Why, Constable...I thought you didn't eat. Odo: I don't. -- "The Die is Cast"